Emily, “The Girl I Once Knew” is a powerful story full of emotion. Paige and the main character have a complicated relationship, as they are sisters but Paige has made some bad decisions in her life. She tried helping Paige as much as she could, but was being walked all over, but chose to continue helping even when she shouldn’t have. One of your lines on page 2 paragraph 3 grabbed my attention immediately when I read it. In this paragraph you write, “This wasn’t my Paige-this was a ghost wearing her face”. This shows how much this character has changed over time, and the main character is starting to not be able to recognize her as the young girl she once loved. The main character grew up with Paige, and has seen all of the bad habits she has fallen into. She has done a lot for Paige, including getting her an apartment and car. These luxuries do not matter to Paige anymore, as she is asking for more things because of her drug and alcohol use. She was the main character’s older sister who had taken five thousand dollars’ worth of money and alcohol from their childhood home. I really liked your story overall, and the only small suggestion I have is to possibly expand more on the specific day she had realized Paige was no longer the same. Maybe she overheard a conversation between Paige and her parents? Maybe she stormed out of the house and threatened to never come back?
Emily
This is a story about a sister that has a visit from her sister who isn’t her sister anymore. What drugs can do to someone, how they change them often for the worse. This story explores broken relationships. Her sister has been disowned by their parents and she still cares for who she was but is realizing her sister is gone, the one that she remembered. “my older sister Paige had shown up on my doorstep in a similar state. Her familiar ‘ra-ta…ta-ta-ta…ta-ta,’ knock, the same beat the teachers at our elementary school used to get our attention,” (pg 3). This scared me but I know exactly what you are saying. That another thing I like about your piece I know what you are talking about. But I’d like to know something from the sisters perspective. I am curious about her. About how she changed so much. How the main character knows she changed a lot. What do blue papers mean, like prison?
1: It is about a moment when a younger sister needs to stand up against her older sister, whom she used to idolize. She wants to do what is best for her and her family, but is torn about leaving her sister out to dry. The story emphasizes the internal struggle of the younger sister rejecting the request of her older sister, as told in a first person narrative.
2: I like how the younger sister is forced to choose between the conflicting interests of the people she loves, which makes the interaction a severe internal battle for her. I, as the reader, was interested in knowing how the exchange would end.
3: Questions: How does the interaction end? Why and how did Paige begin to turn to substance abuse?
4: Suggestion: Perhaps continue the story for a little bit longer until Paige either leaves or enters the house, and the younger sister’s internal struggle is either resolved or reaches a different level.
Emily
I loved the flow of your writing, it’s like I kept wanting more as I continued reading. This was a sad story about a sister taking advantage of her sister (the narrator) over and over, until the narrator finally held firm in her decision to no longer help Paige. I liked seeing the turmoil in the narrator struggling with the pity she feels for her sister and wanting to be that support, while at the same time, fighting to protect her feelings, family, and general peace. I think my main suggestion here would be seeing more of what the childhood of these sisters looked like, especially hearing that Paige bled her parents dry – I want to hear more about this relationship with the parents too. I loved the trampoline memory and would like to hear more things like this, and it also makes me question, what changed in Paige to follow this path in life?
Emily:
This story was such a moving treatise on the impact that drugs can have on a family, and on familial relationships. I loved how this story talks about the guilt that one would have when faced with a loved one who you cannot help. The way this story rides the line between the deep past while keeping us centered in the moment on the front porch was really well done and kept me engaged the entire way through. Every second of this story was meaningful and told us important details about the characters. Every description and metaphor conveyed a deeper meaning that related to the greater situation which was really cool to read. The way you encapsulate how bright Paige used to be and what a bright future she had just from two sentences about jumping on a trampoline was masterfully done. The craft and intention that went into this piece was evident and kept me so emotionally invested. I think it really speaks to the gravity of the situation that the little sister doesn’t even comment on the state that Paige is in- however, I did wonder why she wasn’t shocked by Paige’s injuries even a little. To me she seemed to be mostly unfazed, though she did want to clean her up, which led me to question if Paige has appeared badly injured in the past. Although I had questions about this, the fact that she doesn’t really acknowledge Paige’s injuries really showed the reader how bad the situation between the two sisters has become. Overall this was a fantastic story!
Emily, this was such a powerful story! “The Girl I Once Knew” is about sibling relationships and how things can change that relationship. I loved the want for Paige’s sister to help Paige through what has happened to her even when she should have stopped helping her, it felt like Paige’s sister felt like she had to help Paige because they are sisters and I think that bond is so strong. Your story flowed so well and was very emotional. I really liked it. I would definitely suggest a bit more background on what led Paige to the life she has now, I think it would be great background information.
Hey Emily,
Your story is about a 30-year-old woman seeing her older sister, Paige on her doorstep, begging for a place to stay. The older sister is a great manipulator, having mooched off of their parents and after they said no, she mooched off the younger sister and now she needs to tell her off. This is a story about recognizing that the person you once knew has become someone you cannot recognize. You now know the shell of the person they used to be. When the younger sister had helped Paige, she ended up having to clean a huge mess after her. She now recognizes that she cannot allow Paige to stay with her as she can be a threat to her children. I liked the descriptions you used of how Paige used to be and who she is now. The comparison evoked empathy for Paige because we know how special she was to the narrator. It’s a story about coming to the realization that sometimes in helping someone, you are hurting them and yourself more.
Emily
This was a very good story. I love how much baggage it carries. This isn’t the first time, or the second. This is someone she once loved begging her for help, but so much has happened and she has learned through countless mistakes that she cannot trust her. It takes so much time, and so much hurt to get to that place, and yet I feel like you really showed us how we got here. You do such a good job of making your character authentic. You describe her heartbreak at turning her own sister away, and it hurts her so much. She compares her own sister to a stray dog, and yet it truly feels like an accurate descriptor. If this were a longer story I would want to know more about the toll losing her sister is taking on your main character. How does it affect her friendships? How does it affect her as a mother? I actually think in a lot of ways this is the basis for a really good novel. I have yet to read a story about losing someone to drug addiction that does it justice. It seems like you have that knowledge. The reality of what it looks like, how it feels, and who it affects most. Parents always let go before siblings from what I’ve seen. Great story.
Emily,
This is an emotional story about a woman having to set boundaries to prevent her sister from negatively affecting her life any longer. Paige’s drug abuse has cost the narrator’s family a lot, physically and emotionally, and she is refusing to enable her anymore by giving her a place to stay, since she has already tried to help her get back on her feet and Paige was both irresponsible with and ungrateful for the opportunity. I like that you show the pain that it causes the narrator to have to say no to her sister by having her recall memories of before she was suffering from addiction. Unfortunately, this relationship they used to have it out of reach now. I really liked that you showed the aftermath of Paige’s relapse after being released from the psychiatric facility, and how the narrator took one last chance on her when nobody else would, and especially that the narrator acknowledges the fact that she is being taken advantage of by Paige. I find this very realistic given how hard it can be to let go of the person that is facilitating this damage. I’d love to see more of the narrator’s relationship with her children and how she explains Aunt Paige’s situation to them, and I wonder if she has a significant other, and if she does, what they might think of her relationship with Paige and how they might influence her decisions about her.
Emily,
I thought you did a great job at capturing the emotional complexity of a sisterly bond strained by betrayal and heartbreak. The flow of your writing pulls the reader in, making us eager to see what happens next. The narrator’s inner turmoil being caught between pity for Paige and the need to protect her own peace and family is especially interesting. One line I really liked was, “This wasn’t my Paige—this was a ghost wearing her face,” I think it demonstrated the true disconnect and highlights how much Paige has changed and how difficult it is for the narrator to reconcile this new version of her sister with the girl she once knew and loved. I think something that could help or be explained more is diving deeper into when the narrator realized that she noticed a change in Paige. Overall, this is a powerful and emotional story about love, loss, and the painful boundaries we must sometimes set with those we care about most and I think that with a few more details about their past and the pivotal moments that shaped their current dynamic, it will resonate even more deeply.
“The Girl I Once Knew” is an incredible and raw story. It appears to be about a woman being asked and pressured by her sister, who is not doing good in life as of now, to help her out. Your depictions of what appears to be someone who has completely let themselves go is scarily accurate. I know too many people who look, sound and act like Paige. The protagonist’s reactions and decision making process is portrayed so realistically, it is almost like I am standing in her shoes, with my sister begging me to help her out, and I don’t even have a sister. Some of the writing and descriptions used to portray Paige stick with you, even after the story ends, like when she says “She was a ghost wearing my sister’s face”. That is raw and unaltered emotion coming through there, and it shows how far gone Paige has become. Furthermore, in a sense, Paige becomes almost a character you can sympathize with. In a way, you write her so well, that although she has done absolutely awful things, there is still a human in there, but that human can’t be freed. It is incredibly haunting. Also, the last line where the character says she wanted to be like Paige is a major punch in the gut for anyone, especially a sibling to hear. Imagine being a sort of role model for a younger sibling, and they basically tell you that you failed them. It is absolutely devastating. I think my only suggestion that I have would be maybe bring in more of the relationship between Paige and her sister’s children. Did they ever interact? Was there a final straw that happened? If Paige bled her parents financially, was she doing something similar to her sister’s children? I feel like there is more that could be done there. Overall, an incredible and realistic story told so well, it is almost like I am reading an actual story about someone.
I love this immediate banter that flows through the rest of your story, the past you write of is a riveting reality check of who people become when they tread down the wrong path in life. This story felt escapist, and haunting as we follow this relationship and read how their dynamics have stretched and changed over the years. Your use of show not tell is magnificent, you definitely kept me on the edge of my seat! You flip flop between the past and present, but it isn’t at random. I can tell you put a lot of love into this story, good job. I also just love the dynamic, because whether they mean it or not siblings will always know you the best, and through that know where to insert their blades if riled enough- you portrayed that so well.
Emily,
I thought your story captures the emotional complexity of a sisterly bond strained by betrayal and heartbreak. The flow of your writing pulls the reader in, making us eager to see what happens next. The narrator’s inner turmoil caught between pity for Paige and the need to protect her own peace and family is especially compelling. I really liked the line “This wasn’t my Paige this was a ghost wearing her face,” powerfully conveys the narrator’s sense of loss and disconnection. I think it may be interesting to dive deeper into the specific day the narrator realized Paige had truly changed and how/why. Overall, this is a powerful and emotional story about love, loss, and the painful boundaries we must sometimes set with those we care about most. With a few more details about their past and the pivotal moments that shaped their current dynamic, it will resonate even more deeply.
13 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 23”
Emily
Emily, “The Girl I Once Knew” is a powerful story full of emotion. Paige and the main character have a complicated relationship, as they are sisters but Paige has made some bad decisions in her life. She tried helping Paige as much as she could, but was being walked all over, but chose to continue helping even when she shouldn’t have. One of your lines on page 2 paragraph 3 grabbed my attention immediately when I read it. In this paragraph you write, “This wasn’t my Paige-this was a ghost wearing her face”. This shows how much this character has changed over time, and the main character is starting to not be able to recognize her as the young girl she once loved. The main character grew up with Paige, and has seen all of the bad habits she has fallen into. She has done a lot for Paige, including getting her an apartment and car. These luxuries do not matter to Paige anymore, as she is asking for more things because of her drug and alcohol use. She was the main character’s older sister who had taken five thousand dollars’ worth of money and alcohol from their childhood home. I really liked your story overall, and the only small suggestion I have is to possibly expand more on the specific day she had realized Paige was no longer the same. Maybe she overheard a conversation between Paige and her parents? Maybe she stormed out of the house and threatened to never come back?
Emily
This is a story about a sister that has a visit from her sister who isn’t her sister anymore. What drugs can do to someone, how they change them often for the worse. This story explores broken relationships. Her sister has been disowned by their parents and she still cares for who she was but is realizing her sister is gone, the one that she remembered. “my older sister Paige had shown up on my doorstep in a similar state. Her familiar ‘ra-ta…ta-ta-ta…ta-ta,’ knock, the same beat the teachers at our elementary school used to get our attention,” (pg 3). This scared me but I know exactly what you are saying. That another thing I like about your piece I know what you are talking about. But I’d like to know something from the sisters perspective. I am curious about her. About how she changed so much. How the main character knows she changed a lot. What do blue papers mean, like prison?
“The Girl I Once Knew”
1: It is about a moment when a younger sister needs to stand up against her older sister, whom she used to idolize. She wants to do what is best for her and her family, but is torn about leaving her sister out to dry. The story emphasizes the internal struggle of the younger sister rejecting the request of her older sister, as told in a first person narrative.
2: I like how the younger sister is forced to choose between the conflicting interests of the people she loves, which makes the interaction a severe internal battle for her. I, as the reader, was interested in knowing how the exchange would end.
3: Questions: How does the interaction end? Why and how did Paige begin to turn to substance abuse?
4: Suggestion: Perhaps continue the story for a little bit longer until Paige either leaves or enters the house, and the younger sister’s internal struggle is either resolved or reaches a different level.
Emily
I loved the flow of your writing, it’s like I kept wanting more as I continued reading. This was a sad story about a sister taking advantage of her sister (the narrator) over and over, until the narrator finally held firm in her decision to no longer help Paige. I liked seeing the turmoil in the narrator struggling with the pity she feels for her sister and wanting to be that support, while at the same time, fighting to protect her feelings, family, and general peace. I think my main suggestion here would be seeing more of what the childhood of these sisters looked like, especially hearing that Paige bled her parents dry – I want to hear more about this relationship with the parents too. I loved the trampoline memory and would like to hear more things like this, and it also makes me question, what changed in Paige to follow this path in life?
Emily:
This story was such a moving treatise on the impact that drugs can have on a family, and on familial relationships. I loved how this story talks about the guilt that one would have when faced with a loved one who you cannot help. The way this story rides the line between the deep past while keeping us centered in the moment on the front porch was really well done and kept me engaged the entire way through. Every second of this story was meaningful and told us important details about the characters. Every description and metaphor conveyed a deeper meaning that related to the greater situation which was really cool to read. The way you encapsulate how bright Paige used to be and what a bright future she had just from two sentences about jumping on a trampoline was masterfully done. The craft and intention that went into this piece was evident and kept me so emotionally invested. I think it really speaks to the gravity of the situation that the little sister doesn’t even comment on the state that Paige is in- however, I did wonder why she wasn’t shocked by Paige’s injuries even a little. To me she seemed to be mostly unfazed, though she did want to clean her up, which led me to question if Paige has appeared badly injured in the past. Although I had questions about this, the fact that she doesn’t really acknowledge Paige’s injuries really showed the reader how bad the situation between the two sisters has become. Overall this was a fantastic story!
Emily:
Emily, this was such a powerful story! “The Girl I Once Knew” is about sibling relationships and how things can change that relationship. I loved the want for Paige’s sister to help Paige through what has happened to her even when she should have stopped helping her, it felt like Paige’s sister felt like she had to help Paige because they are sisters and I think that bond is so strong. Your story flowed so well and was very emotional. I really liked it. I would definitely suggest a bit more background on what led Paige to the life she has now, I think it would be great background information.
Hey Emily,
Your story is about a 30-year-old woman seeing her older sister, Paige on her doorstep, begging for a place to stay. The older sister is a great manipulator, having mooched off of their parents and after they said no, she mooched off the younger sister and now she needs to tell her off. This is a story about recognizing that the person you once knew has become someone you cannot recognize. You now know the shell of the person they used to be. When the younger sister had helped Paige, she ended up having to clean a huge mess after her. She now recognizes that she cannot allow Paige to stay with her as she can be a threat to her children. I liked the descriptions you used of how Paige used to be and who she is now. The comparison evoked empathy for Paige because we know how special she was to the narrator. It’s a story about coming to the realization that sometimes in helping someone, you are hurting them and yourself more.
Journal #23
Emily
This was a very good story. I love how much baggage it carries. This isn’t the first time, or the second. This is someone she once loved begging her for help, but so much has happened and she has learned through countless mistakes that she cannot trust her. It takes so much time, and so much hurt to get to that place, and yet I feel like you really showed us how we got here. You do such a good job of making your character authentic. You describe her heartbreak at turning her own sister away, and it hurts her so much. She compares her own sister to a stray dog, and yet it truly feels like an accurate descriptor. If this were a longer story I would want to know more about the toll losing her sister is taking on your main character. How does it affect her friendships? How does it affect her as a mother? I actually think in a lot of ways this is the basis for a really good novel. I have yet to read a story about losing someone to drug addiction that does it justice. It seems like you have that knowledge. The reality of what it looks like, how it feels, and who it affects most. Parents always let go before siblings from what I’ve seen. Great story.
Emily,
This is an emotional story about a woman having to set boundaries to prevent her sister from negatively affecting her life any longer. Paige’s drug abuse has cost the narrator’s family a lot, physically and emotionally, and she is refusing to enable her anymore by giving her a place to stay, since she has already tried to help her get back on her feet and Paige was both irresponsible with and ungrateful for the opportunity. I like that you show the pain that it causes the narrator to have to say no to her sister by having her recall memories of before she was suffering from addiction. Unfortunately, this relationship they used to have it out of reach now. I really liked that you showed the aftermath of Paige’s relapse after being released from the psychiatric facility, and how the narrator took one last chance on her when nobody else would, and especially that the narrator acknowledges the fact that she is being taken advantage of by Paige. I find this very realistic given how hard it can be to let go of the person that is facilitating this damage. I’d love to see more of the narrator’s relationship with her children and how she explains Aunt Paige’s situation to them, and I wonder if she has a significant other, and if she does, what they might think of her relationship with Paige and how they might influence her decisions about her.
Emily,
I thought you did a great job at capturing the emotional complexity of a sisterly bond strained by betrayal and heartbreak. The flow of your writing pulls the reader in, making us eager to see what happens next. The narrator’s inner turmoil being caught between pity for Paige and the need to protect her own peace and family is especially interesting. One line I really liked was, “This wasn’t my Paige—this was a ghost wearing her face,” I think it demonstrated the true disconnect and highlights how much Paige has changed and how difficult it is for the narrator to reconcile this new version of her sister with the girl she once knew and loved. I think something that could help or be explained more is diving deeper into when the narrator realized that she noticed a change in Paige. Overall, this is a powerful and emotional story about love, loss, and the painful boundaries we must sometimes set with those we care about most and I think that with a few more details about their past and the pivotal moments that shaped their current dynamic, it will resonate even more deeply.
Emily
“The Girl I Once Knew” is an incredible and raw story. It appears to be about a woman being asked and pressured by her sister, who is not doing good in life as of now, to help her out. Your depictions of what appears to be someone who has completely let themselves go is scarily accurate. I know too many people who look, sound and act like Paige. The protagonist’s reactions and decision making process is portrayed so realistically, it is almost like I am standing in her shoes, with my sister begging me to help her out, and I don’t even have a sister. Some of the writing and descriptions used to portray Paige stick with you, even after the story ends, like when she says “She was a ghost wearing my sister’s face”. That is raw and unaltered emotion coming through there, and it shows how far gone Paige has become. Furthermore, in a sense, Paige becomes almost a character you can sympathize with. In a way, you write her so well, that although she has done absolutely awful things, there is still a human in there, but that human can’t be freed. It is incredibly haunting. Also, the last line where the character says she wanted to be like Paige is a major punch in the gut for anyone, especially a sibling to hear. Imagine being a sort of role model for a younger sibling, and they basically tell you that you failed them. It is absolutely devastating. I think my only suggestion that I have would be maybe bring in more of the relationship between Paige and her sister’s children. Did they ever interact? Was there a final straw that happened? If Paige bled her parents financially, was she doing something similar to her sister’s children? I feel like there is more that could be done there. Overall, an incredible and realistic story told so well, it is almost like I am reading an actual story about someone.
Emily,
I love this immediate banter that flows through the rest of your story, the past you write of is a riveting reality check of who people become when they tread down the wrong path in life. This story felt escapist, and haunting as we follow this relationship and read how their dynamics have stretched and changed over the years. Your use of show not tell is magnificent, you definitely kept me on the edge of my seat! You flip flop between the past and present, but it isn’t at random. I can tell you put a lot of love into this story, good job. I also just love the dynamic, because whether they mean it or not siblings will always know you the best, and through that know where to insert their blades if riled enough- you portrayed that so well.
Emily,
I thought your story captures the emotional complexity of a sisterly bond strained by betrayal and heartbreak. The flow of your writing pulls the reader in, making us eager to see what happens next. The narrator’s inner turmoil caught between pity for Paige and the need to protect her own peace and family is especially compelling. I really liked the line “This wasn’t my Paige this was a ghost wearing her face,” powerfully conveys the narrator’s sense of loss and disconnection. I think it may be interesting to dive deeper into the specific day the narrator realized Paige had truly changed and how/why. Overall, this is a powerful and emotional story about love, loss, and the painful boundaries we must sometimes set with those we care about most. With a few more details about their past and the pivotal moments that shaped their current dynamic, it will resonate even more deeply.