Emily, “The Girl I Once Knew” is a powerful story full of emotion. Paige and the main character have a complicated relationship, as they are sisters but Paige has made some bad decisions in her life. She tried helping Paige as much as she could, but was being walked all over, but chose to continue helping even when she shouldn’t have. One of your lines on page 2 paragraph 3 grabbed my attention immediately when I read it. In this paragraph you write, “This wasn’t my Paige-this was a ghost wearing her face”. This shows how much this character has changed over time, and the main character is starting to not be able to recognize her as the young girl she once loved. The main character grew up with Paige, and has seen all of the bad habits she has fallen into. She has done a lot for Paige, including getting her an apartment and car. These luxuries do not matter to Paige anymore, as she is asking for more things because of her drug and alcohol use. She was the main character’s older sister who had taken five thousand dollars’ worth of money and alcohol from their childhood home. I really liked your story overall, and the only small suggestion I have is to possibly expand more on the specific day she had realized Paige was no longer the same. Maybe she overheard a conversation between Paige and her parents? Maybe she stormed out of the house and threatened to never come back?
Emily
This is a story about a sister that has a visit from her sister who isn’t her sister anymore. What drugs can do to someone, how they change them often for the worse. This story explores broken relationships. Her sister has been disowned by their parents and she still cares for who she was but is realizing her sister is gone, the one that she remembered. “my older sister Paige had shown up on my doorstep in a similar state. Her familiar ‘ra-ta…ta-ta-ta…ta-ta,’ knock, the same beat the teachers at our elementary school used to get our attention,” (pg 3). This scared me but I know exactly what you are saying. That another thing I like about your piece I know what you are talking about. But I’d like to know something from the sisters perspective. I am curious about her. About how she changed so much. How the main character knows she changed a lot. What do blue papers mean, like prison?
2 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 23”
Emily
Emily, “The Girl I Once Knew” is a powerful story full of emotion. Paige and the main character have a complicated relationship, as they are sisters but Paige has made some bad decisions in her life. She tried helping Paige as much as she could, but was being walked all over, but chose to continue helping even when she shouldn’t have. One of your lines on page 2 paragraph 3 grabbed my attention immediately when I read it. In this paragraph you write, “This wasn’t my Paige-this was a ghost wearing her face”. This shows how much this character has changed over time, and the main character is starting to not be able to recognize her as the young girl she once loved. The main character grew up with Paige, and has seen all of the bad habits she has fallen into. She has done a lot for Paige, including getting her an apartment and car. These luxuries do not matter to Paige anymore, as she is asking for more things because of her drug and alcohol use. She was the main character’s older sister who had taken five thousand dollars’ worth of money and alcohol from their childhood home. I really liked your story overall, and the only small suggestion I have is to possibly expand more on the specific day she had realized Paige was no longer the same. Maybe she overheard a conversation between Paige and her parents? Maybe she stormed out of the house and threatened to never come back?
Emily
This is a story about a sister that has a visit from her sister who isn’t her sister anymore. What drugs can do to someone, how they change them often for the worse. This story explores broken relationships. Her sister has been disowned by their parents and she still cares for who she was but is realizing her sister is gone, the one that she remembered. “my older sister Paige had shown up on my doorstep in a similar state. Her familiar ‘ra-ta…ta-ta-ta…ta-ta,’ knock, the same beat the teachers at our elementary school used to get our attention,” (pg 3). This scared me but I know exactly what you are saying. That another thing I like about your piece I know what you are talking about. But I’d like to know something from the sisters perspective. I am curious about her. About how she changed so much. How the main character knows she changed a lot. What do blue papers mean, like prison?