After my peer review session on Thursday, I feel pretty good about the draft for my second short story that I turned in. I was worried about the story upon “completion” but I’m glad that everyone seemed to really like it. I really enjoyed that people picked up on my attempts of humor throughout the story and that it left everyone guessing as they read. I do like this story and thought it was a cool idea, so it being well received felt nice.
As for the suggestions I got, I really appreciated those as well. The main thing that I kind of already knew going in, was that this story seems like it’d fit a chapter book more than a short story, just because there are so many ideas to unpack. I completely agree with this, and already have some ideas of a longer version. I also agree that Jasper should be someone she at least knows somehow (boy from school, boy from church, etc.), just so he’s not a random stranger she’s going into the house of, since that isn’t really believable. The other thing that I noted the most, was that I should try to sprinkle some more exposition in so that no one is confused about how Maisie got here or why she’s in his house. I had four pages of exposition originally that I cut out because it was long and not as action filled. However, taking all of that out completely left some room for confusion and misunderstanding, so adding some of that in throughout the story could be really helpful to readers.
All in all, I don’t think I will be choosing this story to revise and turn into my final piece. I love the concept and premise, so I think I will turn it into a novel, as I have plenty of ideas already, and a bunch my peers gave me as well. I just don’t think that this story fits into the small real estate of a short story, and could flourish in a new way.
My story was workshopped today and I thought it went very well. Going into the previous one I was a lot more nervous on what to expect, but today I went into it more calm and curious to hear feedback from my peers. Overall people liked the story and brought up the overall message of it and how they liked the development of it throughout. The topic I wrote about was definitely a heavy one so I didn’t really know what to expect going into this and hearing what people thought. I was happy a big topic of conversation was the ending because that was the part I struggled with the most. I had no idea how to end my story and was never 100% set on what it is right now so I am very relieved people noticed it and gave me some ideas on where to go with that. Another piece of feedback I want to shed light on in my story is the overall emotion of it and creating more anger throughout it. The topic is a sensitive one and I want to show the real and raw views of it as best I can. To do that I will try to show more of the main characters emotion towards the whole event along with making the whole situation more realistic and try to express more signs from Liam to show he was struggling so it doesn’t look like it just randomly happened. I really appreciated all the feedback I received and actually started liking this story more than I thought I would so I definitely think I will take some time to try and revise it and incorporate some new aspects to take it to another level. I am still unsure of which story I am going to pursue, but I’m going to work on this one to see what it could become and then go from there!
After my peer review last Thursday, I felt very much pleased with the reception it got from the class. It was nice to know that people were feeling the character’s emotions that I was trying to convey and that a lot of the deeper meanings were coming through. It was great to hear how everyone thought deeply about the portions I intended to have stir emotions/questions. Some things that weren’t as well received included the setting. There was some confusion around the location as well as the time period the story took place in. During my revision, I intend to clean that up a little to make it more clear where and when this story takes place. Another piece of feedback was that people felt the gap between Adelaide losing Heather, and then seeing her friend’s parents for the first time again 5 years later was too long. I thought that this was a very interesting perspective and I am definitely going to consider that when writing the final draft. In conclusion, I intend to use this story for my artist’s book, as I feel there is just more substance to portray through colors and texture than there was in my other story. I am very excited for the next step!
Overall I think this workshop experience went pretty well. It was definitely very helpful to hear the feedback from everyone in regards to what could be changed/altered to make the story more impactful. I really appreciated the honesty I got from a few of my peers in regards to what kind of took them out of the story. I feel like I should have made Harrison either have less friends, or have him explain to Bree that this is how he used to feel. If I were to revise this story, which I feel like is not where I am leaning towards right now, I would include more about Carmen and how she came about. I would also develop Harrison a little bit in the sense of how he found his way. In the end, I really felt like this workshop was very beneficial in the development of this story.
My story was workshopped in class Thursday, 11/10, and I think it went really well. This story was much heavier and darker than my first story so I was nervous about how that would land within my peers but I think that it went really well. I got a lot of positive feedback and comments that made me feel more secure in this story, I was wavering with it a lot before I turned it in but after today I have grown to love the story. They left some really good comments and questions about critiques when moving forward, specifically Jesse when he talked about cutting out multiple pages to condense and create more real estate in a short story realm. While I see where he is coming from, and I understand the reason for chopping it down, I do not feel confident enough in myself and the story to remove so many critical pieces. It would take a lot of reworking and revising before I felt comfortable with it, but it is definitely a possibility. As of now I am leaning more toward my first story, because I feel a greater connection to the idea of an artists book with the one, rather than this one. But I am still very up in the air for what I want to do for my final project.
My story was workshopped in class on Thursday 11/10, I was nervous going into this class because I had redone my second story many times and it was emotionally darker than my first story. There was a lot of positive feedback which was nice and the suggestions were really helpful. I did realize with my quick typing there were a lot of spell errors as well. A major suggestion was to make one character the one to root for and have sympathy for so I’ll change some things up to give that. I should also try and make the conversation less lengthy and add more flashbacks in the beginning to hint somethings up. I still have some page room so I may add more throughout it to give a better understanding of them. Right now I personally like this story better as I’m more emotionally attached to it but my first story would be more creative and fun as an artist book with it being woods theme and spooky.
I wasn’t particularly proud of this piece, even though it better fit the formatted requirements of the assignment. I really overestimated the effect I could have with this subject(s), but at least I got it out and on paper. It was nice to hear what people liked, what they interpreted. I’m glad people found the humorous bits funny, that most of the important stuff was caught and thought about. The main couple being toxic or dependent on each other was something I wanted to portray, but not to the degree it implied, so, while that was actually pretty cool, I think I’d want to make the relationship healthier.
Although I know this wasn’t intentionally the case, since I didn’t like this story as much, the criticisms felt more barbed. I knew that there’s a lot of circumstantial events and actions. I know that the ending was more of a forced happy ending than a realistic one. I know everyone wanted to know more about the organization, but, as is what happens with some of my pieces, that isn’t actually supposed to be important. I should put in a little more about it though. The beginning would be a good place, as it could get the readers invested and provide some foreshadowing.
I wish I could’ve talked more about the story, as I wasn’t able to say anything without interrupting anyone, especially at the end of the discussion when we switched immediately to the next story. However, I do understand that we were under a bit of a time crunch.
The workshop for my second story went very well I think. Lots of people enjoyed the story and had very few critiques of it. The biggest critiques I got were the believability of the speed at which Billy and Violet took their relationship and the wrap-up for my story. I kind of understand how some people may have been iffy on the relationship speed but considering the timeline I personally don’t think they took things too quickly. I think it is just hard for people to not take modern day social norms and apply them to a different time period. I do agree that my ending was rushed, though. I kind of assumed that I was going to get that critique during the workshop. I also got a critique saying that it was a good story but needs something to set it apart from similar stories regarding dementia/Alzheimer’s and romance stories. I can also see why I got this critique but the majority of people didn’t agree with that sentiment and I have to say I think my story was not too similar to other ones in the same vein of stories. If I were to continue on with this story I would definitely extend the ending a bit. I am not sure exactly how I would do it but I think it would be interesting to incorporate another very emotionally charged paragraph from Billy’s feelings on losing Violet as some people suggested. I also think I would include some more of Billy and Violet’s relationship pre-diagnosis.
My second short story was supposed to be workshopped on Monday 11/28. Unfortunately, due to unwanted circumstances I couldn’t attend class. Although I may have missed the in-person workshop session, I was still able to view the feedback responses from my fellow classmates through the feedback page from our class website. I carefully read through them all to interpret what everyone was saying. It was a lot harder to take in the feedback as I would have much rather been there to hear them speak. However, I still got some valuable responses. This story was difficult to write, not because I couldn’t figure out what to write about, but because I have been sick for the past couple of weeks and it made it hard to concentrate, and I kept losing my focus and train of thoughts. I didn’t initially like it at first, but at the end I found myself liking it. I truly valued reading what my classmates said, with both positive thoughts and some constructive criticism. However, I don’t think I will be revising it, aside from adding more to the end, giving Jay and Jennifer a future together.
My second short story draft was recently workshopped this week, and I gained a lot of good insight about things that I should consider during the revisions of this draft. This is the story that I am basing my Artist book around and will be revising, so I was taking this workshop very seriously. Some of the clearest/most important feedback I received was centered around backstory and providing context to the relationships of the main characters. My draft was not the complete story, so I knew going into the workshop session that this would be brought up. I plan on diving deeper into the history of the characters as I continue to write and finish the visit with Boston’s father. There were a few logical concerns pointed out just about the believability of certain aspects, specifically how Boston knew his father’s whereabouts. These are things that I can easily fix and/or rewrite in a way to make it more clear to the reader. I am excited to revise this story and finish it fully this time, I know I can improve on it and bring it to a more definitive ending.
My second story, Six Bullets, was reviewed on 12/1. Initially, I was pretty nervous about this story. I wanted to challenge myself and write an action sequence that didn’t lose momentum throughout the narrative. I also wanted the fight scene to not be the “main” story. Based on the feedback I received, I think I might’ve tried to pack too much into the story. A lot of the feedback was about character motivation, such as why Reyes was checking for the ring during a shootout, and other concerns about technical things, like Reyes not having extra ammo. I think for my revisions in the future, I need to focus on revising the technicalities of this story. There were a lot of things that took out the readers, most of which could’ve been avoided if I had written the story carefully. One of the biggest notes was that I either need to heighten the tension and story surrounding the shootout or I need to heighten the tension/story surrounding Reyes and Penny. Personally, I might lean towards the latter, though I’m not quite sure. If anything, I might take out some of the exposition portions. This review session was a little harder than the last one, mostly because I was happy with a lot of the things that I had written. I want to try and revise this story, but I also feel like it doesn’t quite fit the form of a short story. Regardless, this peer review was helpful, especially since I need to work on clarity and technicalities within my stories.
I felt the second peer review session was really helpful. Admittedly, Despite It All didn’t get as much attention and care as Simmer did and I was excited to see what my peers had to say about it. It was nice hearing the things they liked, and I still appreciate the system we use in workshop as it helps me feel less defensive when receiving critiques. I also really appreciated comments about the ending. I was unsure about my ending, not really wanting to write something depressing but struggling to write something uplifting. I cherished the thoughts my classmates (and Jesse) shared with me and I look forward to adding some of those suggestions!
My second short story was workshopped in class on Monday, 11/28. I was less nervous going into this workshop than I was going into the first workshop because I knew what to expect. I was hoping that the feedback that I received about my last story would carry over as improvements I made in this one. I was happily surprised that a lot of people felt like this story was more relatable and felt realistic to their own lives. I was also happy that they had distinct feelings about character, and the ones that they knew less about, they wanted to more. I felt like achieved my goal of making my characters more attainable and making the reader more attached to them. As I workshopped through my story, I used several comments from the workshop. One comment was that I needed to focus more on Asher’s character development and more about Ash and Sophia’s backstory. I added a line or two about their development, changed their story up a little bit, and allowed the reader to know more about Ash while also leaving them with some necessary and intentional questions, since I bring him back up at the end of the story. I also got feedback that my peers wanted more of Noah’s side, and I also was told to maybe consider putting it in first person. Putting the story in first-person allowed me to focus more on Sophia’s side while also leaning into her description, emotions, feelings, thoughts, and dialogue to capture Noah’s character more. This also improved the tone of my story, another workshop point, to make it feel more personal rather than flat. I am happy with how the workshop went, it was extremely helpful in revising my final draft and I used almost every point we talked about to improve my story during revision.
13 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 7”
After my peer review session on Thursday, I feel pretty good about the draft for my second short story that I turned in. I was worried about the story upon “completion” but I’m glad that everyone seemed to really like it. I really enjoyed that people picked up on my attempts of humor throughout the story and that it left everyone guessing as they read. I do like this story and thought it was a cool idea, so it being well received felt nice.
As for the suggestions I got, I really appreciated those as well. The main thing that I kind of already knew going in, was that this story seems like it’d fit a chapter book more than a short story, just because there are so many ideas to unpack. I completely agree with this, and already have some ideas of a longer version. I also agree that Jasper should be someone she at least knows somehow (boy from school, boy from church, etc.), just so he’s not a random stranger she’s going into the house of, since that isn’t really believable. The other thing that I noted the most, was that I should try to sprinkle some more exposition in so that no one is confused about how Maisie got here or why she’s in his house. I had four pages of exposition originally that I cut out because it was long and not as action filled. However, taking all of that out completely left some room for confusion and misunderstanding, so adding some of that in throughout the story could be really helpful to readers.
All in all, I don’t think I will be choosing this story to revise and turn into my final piece. I love the concept and premise, so I think I will turn it into a novel, as I have plenty of ideas already, and a bunch my peers gave me as well. I just don’t think that this story fits into the small real estate of a short story, and could flourish in a new way.
My story was workshopped today and I thought it went very well. Going into the previous one I was a lot more nervous on what to expect, but today I went into it more calm and curious to hear feedback from my peers. Overall people liked the story and brought up the overall message of it and how they liked the development of it throughout. The topic I wrote about was definitely a heavy one so I didn’t really know what to expect going into this and hearing what people thought. I was happy a big topic of conversation was the ending because that was the part I struggled with the most. I had no idea how to end my story and was never 100% set on what it is right now so I am very relieved people noticed it and gave me some ideas on where to go with that. Another piece of feedback I want to shed light on in my story is the overall emotion of it and creating more anger throughout it. The topic is a sensitive one and I want to show the real and raw views of it as best I can. To do that I will try to show more of the main characters emotion towards the whole event along with making the whole situation more realistic and try to express more signs from Liam to show he was struggling so it doesn’t look like it just randomly happened. I really appreciated all the feedback I received and actually started liking this story more than I thought I would so I definitely think I will take some time to try and revise it and incorporate some new aspects to take it to another level. I am still unsure of which story I am going to pursue, but I’m going to work on this one to see what it could become and then go from there!
After my peer review last Thursday, I felt very much pleased with the reception it got from the class. It was nice to know that people were feeling the character’s emotions that I was trying to convey and that a lot of the deeper meanings were coming through. It was great to hear how everyone thought deeply about the portions I intended to have stir emotions/questions. Some things that weren’t as well received included the setting. There was some confusion around the location as well as the time period the story took place in. During my revision, I intend to clean that up a little to make it more clear where and when this story takes place. Another piece of feedback was that people felt the gap between Adelaide losing Heather, and then seeing her friend’s parents for the first time again 5 years later was too long. I thought that this was a very interesting perspective and I am definitely going to consider that when writing the final draft. In conclusion, I intend to use this story for my artist’s book, as I feel there is just more substance to portray through colors and texture than there was in my other story. I am very excited for the next step!
Overall I think this workshop experience went pretty well. It was definitely very helpful to hear the feedback from everyone in regards to what could be changed/altered to make the story more impactful. I really appreciated the honesty I got from a few of my peers in regards to what kind of took them out of the story. I feel like I should have made Harrison either have less friends, or have him explain to Bree that this is how he used to feel. If I were to revise this story, which I feel like is not where I am leaning towards right now, I would include more about Carmen and how she came about. I would also develop Harrison a little bit in the sense of how he found his way. In the end, I really felt like this workshop was very beneficial in the development of this story.
My story was workshopped in class Thursday, 11/10, and I think it went really well. This story was much heavier and darker than my first story so I was nervous about how that would land within my peers but I think that it went really well. I got a lot of positive feedback and comments that made me feel more secure in this story, I was wavering with it a lot before I turned it in but after today I have grown to love the story. They left some really good comments and questions about critiques when moving forward, specifically Jesse when he talked about cutting out multiple pages to condense and create more real estate in a short story realm. While I see where he is coming from, and I understand the reason for chopping it down, I do not feel confident enough in myself and the story to remove so many critical pieces. It would take a lot of reworking and revising before I felt comfortable with it, but it is definitely a possibility. As of now I am leaning more toward my first story, because I feel a greater connection to the idea of an artists book with the one, rather than this one. But I am still very up in the air for what I want to do for my final project.
My story was workshopped in class on Thursday 11/10, I was nervous going into this class because I had redone my second story many times and it was emotionally darker than my first story. There was a lot of positive feedback which was nice and the suggestions were really helpful. I did realize with my quick typing there were a lot of spell errors as well. A major suggestion was to make one character the one to root for and have sympathy for so I’ll change some things up to give that. I should also try and make the conversation less lengthy and add more flashbacks in the beginning to hint somethings up. I still have some page room so I may add more throughout it to give a better understanding of them. Right now I personally like this story better as I’m more emotionally attached to it but my first story would be more creative and fun as an artist book with it being woods theme and spooky.
I wasn’t particularly proud of this piece, even though it better fit the formatted requirements of the assignment. I really overestimated the effect I could have with this subject(s), but at least I got it out and on paper. It was nice to hear what people liked, what they interpreted. I’m glad people found the humorous bits funny, that most of the important stuff was caught and thought about. The main couple being toxic or dependent on each other was something I wanted to portray, but not to the degree it implied, so, while that was actually pretty cool, I think I’d want to make the relationship healthier.
Although I know this wasn’t intentionally the case, since I didn’t like this story as much, the criticisms felt more barbed. I knew that there’s a lot of circumstantial events and actions. I know that the ending was more of a forced happy ending than a realistic one. I know everyone wanted to know more about the organization, but, as is what happens with some of my pieces, that isn’t actually supposed to be important. I should put in a little more about it though. The beginning would be a good place, as it could get the readers invested and provide some foreshadowing.
I wish I could’ve talked more about the story, as I wasn’t able to say anything without interrupting anyone, especially at the end of the discussion when we switched immediately to the next story. However, I do understand that we were under a bit of a time crunch.
The workshop for my second story went very well I think. Lots of people enjoyed the story and had very few critiques of it. The biggest critiques I got were the believability of the speed at which Billy and Violet took their relationship and the wrap-up for my story. I kind of understand how some people may have been iffy on the relationship speed but considering the timeline I personally don’t think they took things too quickly. I think it is just hard for people to not take modern day social norms and apply them to a different time period. I do agree that my ending was rushed, though. I kind of assumed that I was going to get that critique during the workshop. I also got a critique saying that it was a good story but needs something to set it apart from similar stories regarding dementia/Alzheimer’s and romance stories. I can also see why I got this critique but the majority of people didn’t agree with that sentiment and I have to say I think my story was not too similar to other ones in the same vein of stories. If I were to continue on with this story I would definitely extend the ending a bit. I am not sure exactly how I would do it but I think it would be interesting to incorporate another very emotionally charged paragraph from Billy’s feelings on losing Violet as some people suggested. I also think I would include some more of Billy and Violet’s relationship pre-diagnosis.
My second short story was supposed to be workshopped on Monday 11/28. Unfortunately, due to unwanted circumstances I couldn’t attend class. Although I may have missed the in-person workshop session, I was still able to view the feedback responses from my fellow classmates through the feedback page from our class website. I carefully read through them all to interpret what everyone was saying. It was a lot harder to take in the feedback as I would have much rather been there to hear them speak. However, I still got some valuable responses. This story was difficult to write, not because I couldn’t figure out what to write about, but because I have been sick for the past couple of weeks and it made it hard to concentrate, and I kept losing my focus and train of thoughts. I didn’t initially like it at first, but at the end I found myself liking it. I truly valued reading what my classmates said, with both positive thoughts and some constructive criticism. However, I don’t think I will be revising it, aside from adding more to the end, giving Jay and Jennifer a future together.
My second short story draft was recently workshopped this week, and I gained a lot of good insight about things that I should consider during the revisions of this draft. This is the story that I am basing my Artist book around and will be revising, so I was taking this workshop very seriously. Some of the clearest/most important feedback I received was centered around backstory and providing context to the relationships of the main characters. My draft was not the complete story, so I knew going into the workshop session that this would be brought up. I plan on diving deeper into the history of the characters as I continue to write and finish the visit with Boston’s father. There were a few logical concerns pointed out just about the believability of certain aspects, specifically how Boston knew his father’s whereabouts. These are things that I can easily fix and/or rewrite in a way to make it more clear to the reader. I am excited to revise this story and finish it fully this time, I know I can improve on it and bring it to a more definitive ending.
My second story, Six Bullets, was reviewed on 12/1. Initially, I was pretty nervous about this story. I wanted to challenge myself and write an action sequence that didn’t lose momentum throughout the narrative. I also wanted the fight scene to not be the “main” story. Based on the feedback I received, I think I might’ve tried to pack too much into the story. A lot of the feedback was about character motivation, such as why Reyes was checking for the ring during a shootout, and other concerns about technical things, like Reyes not having extra ammo. I think for my revisions in the future, I need to focus on revising the technicalities of this story. There were a lot of things that took out the readers, most of which could’ve been avoided if I had written the story carefully. One of the biggest notes was that I either need to heighten the tension and story surrounding the shootout or I need to heighten the tension/story surrounding Reyes and Penny. Personally, I might lean towards the latter, though I’m not quite sure. If anything, I might take out some of the exposition portions. This review session was a little harder than the last one, mostly because I was happy with a lot of the things that I had written. I want to try and revise this story, but I also feel like it doesn’t quite fit the form of a short story. Regardless, this peer review was helpful, especially since I need to work on clarity and technicalities within my stories.
I felt the second peer review session was really helpful. Admittedly, Despite It All didn’t get as much attention and care as Simmer did and I was excited to see what my peers had to say about it. It was nice hearing the things they liked, and I still appreciate the system we use in workshop as it helps me feel less defensive when receiving critiques. I also really appreciated comments about the ending. I was unsure about my ending, not really wanting to write something depressing but struggling to write something uplifting. I cherished the thoughts my classmates (and Jesse) shared with me and I look forward to adding some of those suggestions!
My second short story was workshopped in class on Monday, 11/28. I was less nervous going into this workshop than I was going into the first workshop because I knew what to expect. I was hoping that the feedback that I received about my last story would carry over as improvements I made in this one. I was happily surprised that a lot of people felt like this story was more relatable and felt realistic to their own lives. I was also happy that they had distinct feelings about character, and the ones that they knew less about, they wanted to more. I felt like achieved my goal of making my characters more attainable and making the reader more attached to them. As I workshopped through my story, I used several comments from the workshop. One comment was that I needed to focus more on Asher’s character development and more about Ash and Sophia’s backstory. I added a line or two about their development, changed their story up a little bit, and allowed the reader to know more about Ash while also leaving them with some necessary and intentional questions, since I bring him back up at the end of the story. I also got feedback that my peers wanted more of Noah’s side, and I also was told to maybe consider putting it in first person. Putting the story in first-person allowed me to focus more on Sophia’s side while also leaning into her description, emotions, feelings, thoughts, and dialogue to capture Noah’s character more. This also improved the tone of my story, another workshop point, to make it feel more personal rather than flat. I am happy with how the workshop went, it was extremely helpful in revising my final draft and I used almost every point we talked about to improve my story during revision.